my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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