She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
