i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My balls are so social today.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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