Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
