Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
