he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
