i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
