guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
cat food counts as protein by the way
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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