I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
where are my eyebrows?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
