i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
