Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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