Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
