I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
