Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need to sanitize my soul.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
