You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
