I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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