you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
