4 words: hood of his car
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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