Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm at about main and main street
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
not ubering you a puppy
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
