Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
