i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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