bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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