i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
