The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
