Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
