After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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