No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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