he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I am available for nakedness
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
