you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
