When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
