Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
