My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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