Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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