If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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