this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
even my farts smell like vagina
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
wow bdsm is so cute
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
