i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
