True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
