she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Houston, we have a blender
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
