I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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