Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
