i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
