she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
