a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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