I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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