I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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