i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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