I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
