he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
