I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
