I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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