Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
