wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
