Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
