Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
