I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
