your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
