Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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