When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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