i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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