Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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