Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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